Thursday, 14 May 2009


i have been talking to another submissive called samantha on facebook over the last week, and i called her on the phone today (14/may/2009), and have come to see what it is like to be a submissive, in a full on loving relationship. she gives herself so freely to Him, it made me feel almost unsubmissive.......

i want to better myself so much, to be just like her, but i find it so hard sometimes, yes i would do anything for my Mistress and She gives me so much in return. Why do i need to test things, to do things that i know are going to hurt Her. my last post is not just something that i like, but a plea to myself to stop, think, obey and give myself to Her freely.

Allow me the spirit to know Her needs...
Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts...
Allow me the serenity to serve Her in peace...
Allow me the love to show Her in peace...
Allow me the tenderness to comfort Her...
Allow me the light to show U~us the way...
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Her...
Let me be able to show Her each day my love by my service to Her...
Let me open myself up to completely belong to Her...
Let my eyes show Her each day my love by my service to Her...
Let me open myself up to completely belong to Her...
Let my eyes show Her the same respect, whether i sit at Her side, or kneel at Her feet...
Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman...
Let me learn to please Her, beyond myself...
Grant me the power to give myself to Her completely...
Give me the strength to please U~us both...
Permit me to love myself, in loving Her...
Allow me the peace of serving Her...
For it is my greatest wish, my highest power, to make Her life complete, as She makes mine.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

i am girl

Allow girl the strength to answer questions i cannot fathom
Allow girl the spirit to know Her needs
Allow girl the serenity to serve Her in peace
Allow girl the love to show Her herself
Allow girl the tenderness to comfort Her
Allow girl the wisdom to be an asset to Her
Let girl be able to show Her each day her love of her service to Her
Let girl open herself up to completely belong to Her
Let girl accept her punishment with the grace of a woman
Let girl learn to please Her, beyond herself
Grant girl the power to give herself to Her completely
Give girl the strength to please us both
Permit girl to love herself, in loving Her
For it is her greatest wish, her highest power To make His life complete as He makes hers.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

believe, gift's and friends

i find it very funny how some of my friends, find it very hard to understand the D/s lifestyle.They find it hard to understand why i submit. Sometimes i find it hard (mostly while being punished), but it's what i am.

There are those that say that everyone is equal... but i believe in every relationship there is to some extent a Dominant and a submissive, it's the way it works one leads and one follows.

i have one friend, that hates it when i'm submissive to her (none sexual). She is all ways going on about it, but i find pride and strength in being submissive / what i am

The number of people that give me strange looks when i'm out shopping and i hold the door open for my Mistress and then bow my head as she walks past, is count less.

my mother just the other day found out about me and after a good long talk, found out herself that she was the submissive to my dad, not in such a way as myself, but in the way that she would always put him first in everything that they do.

Now don't get me wrong i don't believe that a submissive is something special something to look up to, it's not. and i know that sometimes i go on like it is, but to sound strange, (bear with me) my submission is a gift, a gift i am proud to give.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

It hurts, being alone

Well it's been just over a week that i've been on my own and it hurts.

She called me in the week and we talked it over, yes She misses me and we have come to an agreement that i would travel up to see her at the weekends and any other chances that i get. After all she's only 2 hours away from me, but it still feels strange.

i will still do what she asks me to do and be her submissive, i just can't be there for her when she needs me.

i'm sorting out a web cam's for both of us, so we can be together as much as we can.

There's not much else to say just now bit of a strange week, but things maybe working out, i hope so as how things where last week, it hurt...........

just a note

i've just started a new blog for a story i wrote sometime ago.
please feel free to pop over to and take a look.

As for what's going on in my life just now i will make a new post here soon. (i may have already done it by the time you read this)

Saturday, 11 April 2009

what happens to a submissive when there alone ?

i've just been put in a unhappy place, my Mistress has left me.......

this may not sound right as i'm a bit lost just now, but i need to wright something.

There was nothing wrong with our relationship or my submissiveness to her (or lack of it at times), this split is due to work and the fact she wants to go back to collage in her home town.

i should have seen this coming as She was only saying the other month about going back to Sheffield, and well after She spent the weekend up there with Her family, the writing was on the wall. i would like to move up there with her, but that would mean giving up everything that i have here, i would do that gladly, but She will not allow it, She says that i must get on with my life..... SHE IS MY LIFE, i don't know how i'm going to cope with this.

i have learned that my submission has needs -

my submission needs to be used - if it's not it will use
my submission needs to be controlled - if it's not it will take control
my submission needs to be free - i can not hide it way.

and now 2 of the the above 3 can not be for filled, for who will use it and who will control it..............

this is a road that i don't want to walk down, but have been forced......

my heart burns and my soul cries, how can one be left alone that needs to be two. i'm scared of what lies ahead for me, now that i am on my own.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

i am ashamed of myself

i have been unwell of late so i'm sorry for not getting down to some typing.

Monday night was the worse night i've had for a long time, i kept being sick all night, was unable to sleep and then i did something very upsetting to my Mistress, i self harmed. So i'm now sporting a small burn on my left ankle. i find it very hard to understand why i do this, my life could not be better, i'm working, i have a lot of friends who care for me. my Mistress loves, cares and thinks the world of me. Yet i go out and do something that i know is going to upset them all. i know i have let them all down, all i had to do is reach out to them, but something stopped me....

So i ask them all to forgive me......

i do feel that i am becoming more and more submissive to my Mistress everyday and she treats me more in this roll. i sometimes worry that she finds it hard to understand the way i am, but we are both learning about each other everyday, even now after 6 month's of being together we are still getting to know each other.

i leant the other day when she tells me to do something "at once", i must do it "at once" or get punished.....

i am now wearing full time my ankle chain and collar (picture's below) we are also taking about getting a chain fitted that go's round my waist and down to my ankle, as i all ways ware long skirts or lose fitting trousers it would not be a problem to hide them when out in public (not that i care if someone see them)

on the upside... i've got this week off work, Mistress and i will be going out for days. i'm sure i will post more details as things happen.

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

for You my Mistress with all my love

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Sunday coming down

So it's all most the start of another week and well what a weekend i've had. Friday i spent the whole day with my Mistress and after worrying all week about how She was going to punish me for what i had said, She let me off with only one smack and a warning to watch my mouth.

We went clubbing Friday night and She let me have some freedom, but i was careful with my drink and kept by Her side all night.

On Saturday we went shopping in MK not anything special just normal food shopping in the evening we had a bit of fun in the bedroom, but things got out of hand and i had to use the safety word after my shoulder popped out when She pulled my hands behind my back. She was very upset about this happing, but it was my own fault for pulling forwards to much. i promised Her that i would be more care full next time and was very sorry for using the safety word. Next time i would try harder to take the pain.

Today (Sunday) i cooked Her dinner before i left to get back to my house for another weeks work as i'm on mornings next week i'm hoping that i will get over to see Her in the week, but we will have to wait and see what happens, now i'm thinking about what to do this afternoon, my shoulder is still a bit pain full, but not to bad.

until next time rebecca

one other thing i got an email last week.

My Mistress is called Emma and my name is rebecca, we are both females, no, no again, and now you know.

Thursday, 12 March 2009

pictures say a 1000 words

My Mistress how you are to me (strong, sexy, Dominate)

How i am to her (sweet, loving, submissive)

How i feel when she is away from me

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

i keep doing wrong

once again i have done wrong, due to the fact i keep forgetting myself.

On Sunday Mistress took some pictures of me in my command poses. i asked her what She was going to do with them She told me it was up to her and that i was not to ask things like that. well i logged into face book later that afternoon and found that She had added them to our submissive group, i was very upset about that and told her that, what She replied put me in my place "I am you Mistress and I will do with you what I see fit to do, I will not forget or forgive you for what you have said to me today and will deal with it on Friday." She then put the phone down. i am very upset that i did her wrong. i know She will punish me for what i said and i don't mind that i must pay.

i must learn from these mistakes i keep making as there not only painful on the flesh, but also on the heart and soul.

i know that my mistress reads this so once again "i'm sorry for being wrong, i forget myself far to easy, and place myself into your arms for punishment"



i was out clubbing at the weekend with my Mistress, and well after a bad week i had asked if it was ok to have a drink or two. She said it was fine so long as i did not have too much and get drunk. We got to the club just fine and i was behaving just fine until we ran into some friends from work, they do know about us and how i am towards her, so i explained that i was having a drink, but not too much. Well the night went on and i forgot myself and got very drunk and ended up being sick in the car park of the club.

The next morning i awoke with a killer hangover and my Mistress very angry. She made me undress and handcuffed my hands behind my back. She told me that She was very angry with the way that i had behaved and that i had done her wrong. She took out her paddle and hit me across the bum until i was crying and begging her to stop. She then put me in the expose submit pose, which is very painful for me to hold for more then a couple of seconds and held me there for what seemed ages. i begged her for forgiveness. She then took me in her arms and forgave me and explained what i did wrong. i understand that i did her wrong and will behave better next time.

i typed this as a warning to other submissive’s.

1. never forget yourself

2. all ways do as you Master / Mistress asks

3. do not overstep any lines that you have been give (like me getting drunk after being told not to)

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

my rules

my rules.

Commands from my Mistress.

* Silence:
Lower eyes and be silent.

* Present:
Remove clothes, kneel with knees spread wide, back straight and head up, and eyes lowered, wrists crossed behind your back then say; "Presenting Master". Wait patiently for examination or instructions.

* Restrict:
Simply cross wrists behind back.

* Rest:
Kneeling & Sit on heels, legs spread and hands (palms up) on top of legs.

* Submit:
Kneeling & Sit on heels, lean forward until head touches the ground. Place arms overhead with palms up and wrists crossed.

* Expose Submit:
Kneel then sit back on heels, lean back until your back rests on the ground and keeping legs wide apart, place your hands over your head with wrists crossed.

* Resume:
Cancels Previous Command.

Basic rules
i will :-

1 Always ask permission to cum....

2 Never be disrespectful to my Master or Others.

3 Not submit to being passed around as a sexual favour to other Doms.

4 Always respect my
Mistress and always address her as Mistress.

5 Remain constantly alert attempting to anticipate my Masters desire.

6 Follow instructions exactly and immediately.

7 Be silent unless spoken to, never raise my voice above a whisper unless commanded.

8 Keep my hands by my side or in the restrict pose unless i am using them or when

9 if my
Mistress punishes me i will take it thankfully and without compliant.

10 i will do whatever she tells me to do whenever she tells me to do it without question or pause.

Safety rules

i will only use the safety word if :-

1 there is a chance of permanent injury, scaring, cutting, burning.

2 if while locked up my limbs become cold or numb.

3 i will never allow myself to be struck on ovaries or kidneys.

4 i will never allow myself to be hit with whip or crop on the tailbone, head or neck.

Above all i will

1. Be Patient

2. Be Humble.

3. Be Open

4. Communicate

5. Be Honest Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as my mistress will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.

6. Be Vulnerable

7. Be Realistic

8. Be really Submissive

9. Be Healthy

These are just some of my rules there are many more, but i am being called and i must go now

Sunday, 1 March 2009

i am a submissive woman.

i am a submissive woman.

i find pleasure, joy and fulfilment from being submissive to another in a loving relationship.
i am not weak, or stupid. i am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i look to my loving Mistress for guidance and protection, i am never complete than when She is away from me.
i know that She will protect my body, my mind and my soul with Her strength and wisdom.
She is everything to me, as i am everything to Her. Her touch awakens me and Her thoughts free me.

Only in serving do i find complete freedom and joy.
Her punishments are harsh, but i accept them thankfully.
If She desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Her, and take pleasure myself in knowing i have have brought pleasure to Her.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship.
my body is Hers, and if She says i am beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in Her eyes, and because of that i hold my head high…for who can tell me that my Mistress is wrong?

If She says i am Her princess, then i am that…
And if i see laughter at me in the eyes of others, i do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Mistress wrong?
If She says i am Her toy, Her slut, then i am that…as wanton and dirty as She wants me to be.

my mind is Hers, to expand, to explore, to know as only She can. i have no secrets from Her…for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly Hers.
my soul is Hers, as bare to Her touch as ever my skin could be when i kneel naked at Her feet.
If i were to ever displease Her, Her displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Her is harder to bear than the physical anguish i feel when Her belt caresses me with fire.

i spend my days knowing that the energy and thought She puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for Hers, and look forward to everyday and everything that we do together.

Her part is much harder than mine, and i know this and am grateful that She cares enough about me to spend Her time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to Her.
i am Her pleasure and Her responsibility, and She takes both seriously.
i am a submissive woman. i am proud to call myself that.
my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift.

i am a submissive woman.

she is Emma i am rebecca

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Now I did say I would be keeping this up to date, but I've been unwell so I've not been able to get to the computer, but for now I've just sorted out the "why am I submissive" post giving a much better are clearer understanding of types of submissive and why I'm submissive. I will post something new soon :) thank you for taking the time to read this.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

from a dominant to a submissive (a letter)

without you :-
i am not whole, a part of me is missing
i feel alone, for you are not with me
i long to touch you, to feel you in my arms
just to hold you one more time
to run my fingers though your hair
to lay you down in the cool wet grass
to take your hand and run like we have gone mad
for you to cry tears of love and joy
for you to give yourself to me above all others
i need you more now you are gone
my submissive you where the one.

Why am I submissive

There are 4 questions here and I will deal with them in turn.

1 Why do I feel I need to submit?
2 Why am I this way?
3 Is this a curse?
4 What type of submissive am I?

Why do I feel I need to submit?

I believe in life we are all given a role some are born to lead some to follow others give nothing, but take all. Others give, but keep some for themselves. Others (like myself) have to give there all.

Why am I this way?

Now this is a hard question, I'm not this way due to something happing to me when I was young, in fact I had a happy childhood, my family where kind and loving. Yes my time at school was not that easy as I was not one of the "in crowd", but I can't see how that would make me what I am now.

Yes things have happened to me now, some real nasty things and I still carry the scar's both mentally and physically, but did that make me submissive? No. I've all ways been like this.

Question 3.
Is submissiveness a curse?
(this is a very long answer, but I can't say what I want to say in less words {please forgive me} )

No, Submissiveness in humans is an aspect of the social fabric of life.
some are born to lead, some are made to lead and there are those that follow, there are those give, but hold something back then there are those that give there all.

Now I started that with the answer NO, but that's wrong. As yes it can be a curse and this comes down to the type of submissive that you are. I believe there are 6 types of submissive

The Bottom:
Enjoys b.d.s.m. but never gives complete control, there is all ways a safety word there for a chance to stop and power.

The bedroom submissive:
The best way to portray this type of submissive is in every facet of life she/he may lead, but when the bedroom door shuts the roles swap and he/she submits to the dominant. In the bedroom is where the power exchange happens. It is also where the power exchange stays.

The Psychological Submissive:
This happens out side the bedroom, She/he can give her/him self to the dominant, A psychological submissive can give up as much or as little as she/he needs to surrender. The surrendering of the power is the driving force.

The Submissive with the slave heart:
In the psychological submissive the submission comes from a psychological need to submit. However the heart is a different matter. The love of the dominant is craved. The submissive with the slave’s heart desires to give her/his heart as well as her/his submission to the Dominant. This type submission is complete and will carry over into everyday life, the power is all ways given no matter there the submissive is.

The total submissive:
As with the Submissive with the slave heart who needs to give love to there dominant, a total submissive is the same with everyone. The level of love to the person they are with can and will change, but the submission part never changes, this type submission is complete and will carry over into everyday life, the power is all ways given no mater who the submissive is with or where he/she maybe. If a label must be given I would put this kind of submissive under "The Submissive with the slave heart" as they are both about the same.

The Slave:
Unlike the submissive the slave surrenders complete control to the Master/Mistress. Am I saying a slave has no limits? No I believe we all have our limits these limits may be moral or cultural, but I believe those limits do exist. I also believe a good loving master/mistress will respect the limits of his property “the slave” and take care of there slave.

Now I think that submission is not a curse in the case of the bottom, the bedroom submissive or the Psychological Submissive, as they all have a level of control over what happens, in the case of the bottom, there's a safety word. The bedroom only happens in the bedroom. The psychological Submissive can give as much or as little as they feel.

Now in the case of the submissive with the slave heart and the total submissive, there is no safety word, it happens all the time, you have to give your submission as your heart will not allow any thing else. In this type of submissive you crave to give your love and your submission, you can't help it, you have to, and you have to be loved back. And that is a curse, as you can find yourself hurt real fast and real bad.

The salve is happy as a slave, as that slave is what they want to be they know that they are under the control of there master/mistress and want for nothing else.

Now I've been told I'm just a slave well that's wrong a slave can be nothing, a nobody, can live with out giving or taking love. I on the other hand can not.

Question 4.
what type of submissive am I?

I'm A submissive with the slave heart or total submissive.

summing up
now my views on types of submissiveness are my views, yours may be diffident. I'm not saying mine are right and yours are wrong as I'm not in a place to say otherwise.

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

starting out

The Submissive with the slave heart:

This is the deepest level of submission. The submissive with the slave’s heart wishes to completely surrendered without becoming a slave. In the psychological submissive the submission comes from a psychological need to submit. However the heart is a different matter. The love of the dominant is craved. The submissive with the slave’s heart desires to give her/his heart as well as her/his submission to the Dominant. The psychological submissive needs not be in love to submit. However I feel the submissive with the slave’s heart has a need to give not only submission but also love with that submission. The submissive with the heart of a slave is at the threshold of completely surrendering her/himself to the Dominant. The level of trust is greater in the submissive with the slave’s heart then the psychological submissive. As this submission is complete and carry's over into everyday life, the power is all ways given.

I am a submissive with the slave heart.

so what is this blog all about ?

It's about lot's of things, but mostly my life as a submissive, there's going to be some funny times some sexy times and I'm sure times that may make some cry, I feel that by doing this I hope that I will help others understand who and what they are.

I can be found on face book running the group "submissive in life"

you can join the group if you like or you can subscribe to this blog by clicking on the box on the right, it would make me feel it's all worth while by doing so.

it brings me happiness to make others happy

I've got to go now as other things need to be done, but at last I've started.