Thursday, 23 April 2009

believe, gift's and friends

i find it very funny how some of my friends, find it very hard to understand the D/s lifestyle.They find it hard to understand why i submit. Sometimes i find it hard (mostly while being punished), but it's what i am.

There are those that say that everyone is equal... but i believe in every relationship there is to some extent a Dominant and a submissive, it's the way it works one leads and one follows.

i have one friend, that hates it when i'm submissive to her (none sexual). She is all ways going on about it, but i find pride and strength in being submissive / what i am

The number of people that give me strange looks when i'm out shopping and i hold the door open for my Mistress and then bow my head as she walks past, is count less.

my mother just the other day found out about me and after a good long talk, found out herself that she was the submissive to my dad, not in such a way as myself, but in the way that she would always put him first in everything that they do.

Now don't get me wrong i don't believe that a submissive is something special something to look up to, it's not. and i know that sometimes i go on like it is, but to sound strange, (bear with me) my submission is a gift, a gift i am proud to give.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

It hurts, being alone

Well it's been just over a week that i've been on my own and it hurts.

She called me in the week and we talked it over, yes She misses me and we have come to an agreement that i would travel up to see her at the weekends and any other chances that i get. After all she's only 2 hours away from me, but it still feels strange.

i will still do what she asks me to do and be her submissive, i just can't be there for her when she needs me.

i'm sorting out a web cam's for both of us, so we can be together as much as we can.

There's not much else to say just now bit of a strange week, but things maybe working out, i hope so as how things where last week, it hurt...........

just a note

i've just started a new blog for a story i wrote sometime ago.
please feel free to pop over to and take a look.

As for what's going on in my life just now i will make a new post here soon. (i may have already done it by the time you read this)

Saturday, 11 April 2009

what happens to a submissive when there alone ?

i've just been put in a unhappy place, my Mistress has left me.......

this may not sound right as i'm a bit lost just now, but i need to wright something.

There was nothing wrong with our relationship or my submissiveness to her (or lack of it at times), this split is due to work and the fact she wants to go back to collage in her home town.

i should have seen this coming as She was only saying the other month about going back to Sheffield, and well after She spent the weekend up there with Her family, the writing was on the wall. i would like to move up there with her, but that would mean giving up everything that i have here, i would do that gladly, but She will not allow it, She says that i must get on with my life..... SHE IS MY LIFE, i don't know how i'm going to cope with this.

i have learned that my submission has needs -

my submission needs to be used - if it's not it will use
my submission needs to be controlled - if it's not it will take control
my submission needs to be free - i can not hide it way.

and now 2 of the the above 3 can not be for filled, for who will use it and who will control it..............

this is a road that i don't want to walk down, but have been forced......

my heart burns and my soul cries, how can one be left alone that needs to be two. i'm scared of what lies ahead for me, now that i am on my own.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

i am ashamed of myself

i have been unwell of late so i'm sorry for not getting down to some typing.

Monday night was the worse night i've had for a long time, i kept being sick all night, was unable to sleep and then i did something very upsetting to my Mistress, i self harmed. So i'm now sporting a small burn on my left ankle. i find it very hard to understand why i do this, my life could not be better, i'm working, i have a lot of friends who care for me. my Mistress loves, cares and thinks the world of me. Yet i go out and do something that i know is going to upset them all. i know i have let them all down, all i had to do is reach out to them, but something stopped me....

So i ask them all to forgive me......

i do feel that i am becoming more and more submissive to my Mistress everyday and she treats me more in this roll. i sometimes worry that she finds it hard to understand the way i am, but we are both learning about each other everyday, even now after 6 month's of being together we are still getting to know each other.

i leant the other day when she tells me to do something "at once", i must do it "at once" or get punished.....

i am now wearing full time my ankle chain and collar (picture's below) we are also taking about getting a chain fitted that go's round my waist and down to my ankle, as i all ways ware long skirts or lose fitting trousers it would not be a problem to hide them when out in public (not that i care if someone see them)

on the upside... i've got this week off work, Mistress and i will be going out for days. i'm sure i will post more details as things happen.